


Second Position

by deltadanvers



Series: Pas De Deux [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Self-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:20:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25537228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deltadanvers/pseuds/deltadanvers
Relationships: Sam Wilson/Reader
Series: Pas De Deux [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1850407
Kudos: 9





	Second Position

“Now that you guys have gotten through your stretches, let’s start off with some fun princess walks to get ready for some silly games today. You guys did so well last class that we are gonna have some fun today.” the kids with a little further instruction lined up against the wall and waited for your instruction.

Princess walks were a tried and true method for wasting time while still having a somewhat productive class. It was easy for most kids, but beneficial for the few who were still struggling with their balance. 

“Gotta start out by getting all our silly wiggles out so we can be as royal as we can in our dancing. I need everyone on their tiptoes, your arms in high fifth, that’s our prettiest hands, way above our head, and looking straight forward!” 

You had to keep your composure when Sam and Steve re emerged from what you see now was their personal purgatory. Steve was barely getting by in a red leotard and Sam’s had some sequins on a performance specific leotard that you’d helped put together a few years prior to even meeting Sam. You’d have to have a conversation with Steve later about what specifically a dance belt was supposed to accomplish that it somehow wasn’t accomplishing now but you couldn’t bring attention to their ill fitting leos in front of the kids.

“Today in our class we have two special guests. One of which is Captain America himself who was a dancer too when he was younger. Some things that are important for you guys to remember today is that we need to have our best manners today and make these men feel welcome.” you directed the men to fall in line. 

It wasn’t easy to teach your class and completely block out Steve and Sam. They knew better than to interrupt the flow of the class any more than they already had and they did try their best to participate but the two of them attempting to dance among your pre Ballet class when only one of them had any dance experience whatsoever and that was close to a century ago so the point of bringing it up at all was moot. 

Sam should have been more graceful for someone who risks mortal injury if he can’t land on his feet, and Steve just didn’t seem to know what to do with his arms at all. They had both made it through the basic games that you played at every pre ballet class but as soon as you suggested that you work on the class’ chosen performance, they faltered.

"Alright kiddos. That's all we have time for today. Let's all line up and get our prizes for working so hard today and you can all go to your parents. If you want to show your parents anything you learned today, you have about 20 minutes until I need the studio back, but please use your best ballet manners and impress your parents." you addressed your class as they all adhered to the schedule you'd set for them since the beginning of the class and they all lined up along the wall with the barre. "Parents! If you need to pay for classes or if you have any questions for me I can help in just a few minutes." you walked down the line with your stamp in hand. 

Today’s ‘prize’ for participation was an ink stamp with little pointe shoes that you were giving everyone in light fluorescent pink ink. You got through every little hand in line before you realized that a certain 2 grown ass men were not in line.

“Stevie do you want a stamp? You participated very well today.” the look on his face was one that you wanted to treasure forever. He was far past embarrassed and was taking your new found control over he and Sam like a champ.

“Well if I earned it, I guess I can’t turn that offer down.” you knew he’d be having nightmares about dance belts for the rest of his life but you couldn’t help but feel fulfilled as you’d secretly wanted to pull Rogers into a class since the first time you met him. He had the temperament and body control to be a dancer if he’d wanted it badly enough.

His hand dwarfed the size of the pink pointe shoes and you couldn't help the surge of admiration that rushed through you as he took his hand and blew on the wet ink until it was safe to interact with again. When you had been with Sam, Steve had been so integral in your coming to understand Sam’s place in the world and by extension, your place in his world. It had been incredibly hard to lose him and Sam at the same time but somehow you were back in his presence. You then did the bitchy thing and walked past Sam without a glance. 

You could hear his disgruntled whispers to Steve as you allowed a student to pull you into a demonstration of the pieces of performance that the students had learned so far. She wanted you to perform with her and you couldn’t say no to her. 

After the studio cleared out once more, you were set to lock the door and go home. Of course a certain little bird wasn’t going to let that happen just yet. 

“Can we talk now?” his tone was cautious. He clearly knew that intruding on your class wasn’t the way to go but he had never been able to tear his eyes away from you when you were dancing. It had been the reason the two of you had met in the first place. He was attending a performance with the rest of the team when you were still a principal dancer and he was taken from day one. 

He had gotten a coveted spot on a backstage tour after the show. The entire team had gotten the tour but any time he told the story of how the two of you met, he made it sound like it was dumb luck that he had managed to get backstage. Being an Avenger buys you some perks that he had definitely been a fan of downplaying to make him seem closer to lucky. 

He met you when you were still in your last leotard of the performance and a warm up hoodie over the top of it. You looked a mess and you had done your best to pull your post performance hair into a simple ponytail once you had escaped the stage but you were still kind of glittery and all you wanted to do was shower. 

But there he was. 

Ready to pull you off track, duffel bag slung across your shoulder. At the time, you weren’t ready to jump into anything. The two of you slept together a few times and then he jumped into something with someone else. It was easy to be around him and his relationship didn’t last long before the two of you decided to jump into something together without all the hesitation first. It was good when it was good and it wasn’t bad enough to leave when it wasn’t good. He was a wonderful partner, but his commitment issues after the loss of so many loved ones in his life truly began to shine through after the joking about moving in with the team started. You never made a single joke about it, knowing how uncomfortable he was with the idea of anyone really knowing how connected with the team you were, but the team didn’t necessarily see that discomfort and when he hit his breaking point, he hit his breaking point and things didn’t last long after that. You had yearned for him to talk to you while he was breaking, maybe you could have calmed his fears. 

But knowing Sam, you wouldn't have been able to change a damn thing. One thing about him that no one could ever forget was that once he had made a decision about anything in his life, he was dead set on it. But in your late night desperation you had hoped a few times that you could fix it. 

“Sam why are you still here? Did you make Steve go wait in the car like a disgraced husband on a shopping trip?” you were tired and the heat in the building stopped at 5pm so by now you were ready to condense into ice. 

“Steve left. I was hoping we could talk.”

“Sam-”

“Ambushing you was inappropriate and I know that now but I didn’t know you would be in the middle of a class. I’m so sorry if you felt disrespected or undermined, that wasn’t my intention. I didn’t know you had a class this time of day and I should have just left and come back later but I needed to talk to you.”

“I know you’re smarter than this, Sam. I know you better than to think you would be such an ass as to intrude on my work. What was so important that it couldn’t wait or have actual plans made to talk about it?” you continued picking the studio up from the full day of classes. The bulk of the mess came from your office and the lack of time you had to organize it but it wasn’t something you wanted to really try tackling today.

“We need to talk. About us.” he wasn’t fidgety- Sam almost never fidgeted. But he was nervous. You could read his body language pretty easily.

“What do we need to talk about, Sam? It’s been months. I thought you didn’t need to talk about anything? That you’d made all the decisions on your own and didn’t need me to chime in?” you turned his angry break up words back on him. You should’ve been over them by now- and you thought you were- but it was hard for the first real conversation for the two of you to have had since splitting to be him demanding something from you. 

“Out with it, Sam. It’s cold. I’m tired. I want to go home and eat dinner and hug my cat. Can we take a rain check on whatever is happening here?” You asked, ushering him through the front door so that you could lock it behind you. With your back to him and the street, you moved to lock the door.

“I uh-”

“You’re not usually one for hesitance. Are you pregnant with my kid or something? What’s with the charades?” you turned back to look at him.

He was standing in front of you, gripping on to a little black velvet box. 

“I panicked when I broke up with you. I was scared and I couldn’t catch my breath. I didn’t mean to take it out on you. I just wanted it to slow down even though you weren’t rushing anything.”

“I know, Sam. You told me about your issues with commitment when we first started sleeping together.” you didn’t want to sound dismissive of him talking about his problems. He may have been a trained mental health professional but he strayed on the side of clueless when it came to talking about romantic issues. 

“No, you don’t get it.” he sounded frustrated. You wanted to become defensive at his tone of voice but all you could muster was a sigh, knowing that he was frustrated with himself and whatever was keeping him from talking, not really frustrated with you.

“What don’t I get, Sam?” 

The air hung heavy between the two of you. You couldn’t help but lose faith in his desire to communicate whatever was bothering him, with you. Shaking your head, you turned to walk towards your apartment. 

“Goodnight, Sam.” 

You only made it a few steps before you heard the words tumble from his lips.

“I love you.”

You couldn’t help but stop in your tracks when you heard it.

He repeated himself, a little louder, just to confirm you heard him. 

“No you don’t Sam. You knew that when you came to the decision to break up with me. You told me yourself. Maybe you miss having someone willing to sit on the other end of the phone when you’re having a bad night and someone who will show up when you need them. Maybe you just miss having someone to keep your dick warm, I don’t fucking know, Sam. But you don’t love me. You said it yourself.” you started out with a bite in your tone but rehashing the day that Sam told you he didn’t love you still stung and you ended on a shaky whisper.

“I was wrong, okay? You’re the only woman I’ve thought about in any real capacity since I met you. Marriage and kids and all that shit? It only makes sense with you. Healing makes sense with you. Leaving all the fighting and Avengers stuff seems logical when I think about you and how I can spend the most time with you. All you have to do is take me back. I will give you everything you deserved the first time we were together. I swear to you. I’ll work for it. Give me a chance.” you wanted to cover your ears and act the part of a child, tell him to go away, anything to make him quit.

“Sam…”

“No, before you Sam me in the voice that I know is your disappointed teacher voice, ask anyone, they’ll tell you that I’m sincere.”

“It’s not a good omen that all I want to do is call them and ask if you’re not lying to me. You know that, right? You know that my ability to trust you is all but gone? This won’t work anymore, Sam.” 

“Call them. Call Steve, or Nat, or even Barnes, for fucks sake. Just call one of them and ask. Please.” the black box in his hand had switched to his other hand now. He was continually passing it back and forth between hands, as if he didn’t know if he wanted to put it back in his pocket or throw it off the nearest bridge. 

You sighed deeply. You wanted so badly to dismiss his claims; to say he’s the same man he was when he left you, but you couldn’t shake the desire to call. 

“Steve or Natasha?” you asked softly.

“What?” a hopeful look passed through his gaze.

“Steve or Natasha. Am I calling Steve who will undoubtedly take your side but can’t lie to me? Or am I calling Natasha who spends her free time teaching with me and wouldn’t ever choose to placate you over telling me the truth?” you pulled your phone out of your sweatshirt pocket and shifted your weight to your other leg as you shot him an expectant look.

“Your choice. I know they both know the truth.”

Sliding your phone screen up, you unlocked it and navigated to the Phone icon, trying to quell the internal battle that was raging over whether you should actually call one of them and if you were to call, which one you should call. 

You shook your head, pressed the contact info and pulled the phone to your face. He didn’t look nervous, he seemed almost hopeful.

“Hello?” the voice that picked up the phone was groggy as if you’d interrupted an early sleep. “Are you okay?” the voice sounded again.

“Does he love me?”

“What?”

“Does he love me?”

“I’m going to kill him if he’s making you call me instead of telling you himself.”

“No, he told me himself but I don’t think I can believe him.”

“This is really a Natasha phone call. You called me and I was ready to pull you out of some ditch after a car wreck but no, you want to know if Sam loves you.”

“No car wrecks, here.” Sam shot you a confused look. 

“He does. He’s told me and he’s shown me that he is all in this time. Call him if you’re really needing answers. You should be able to ask him.” the line went dead in an uncharacteristically dramatic fashion for Steve. 

You pulled the phone away from your face and stared at the bright white Recent Calls page for a minute before your silence was broken. 

“Did you get your answer?”

“Do I get to call anyone else or could I only phone one friend?” you didn’t look up from your screen.

“I’m not sure who else could convince you if it wasn’t the person you just talked to but you can call anyone else you want.” you nodded more to yourself than anyone else.

You scrolled through your contacts until you found the one you were looking for and pressed call without any further hesitation. 

“This asshole better not send me to voicemail.” you muttered as you saw the telltale light from his now ringing phone light up the pocket of his jeans. He pulled it out and looked at the screen, looking at you and back at the phone again before he answered it. 

“Hello?” he answered tentatively.

“You are going to have to work for it.”

“Absolutely.”

“No, Sam. I mean it. If we are going to try this, and I say that completely unwilling to consider this anything more than a trial run, you’re going to have to show up. I don’t mean send me flowers once and expect me to jump into bed with you. I mean show up. Come help with my classes and bring your friends. Come to dinner with me and actually be present. Don’t just spend time with me waiting for your next assignment. Go to the stupid benefits for charity with me and dance with me. Don’t just tell me you’ll do it. Give a fuck about me. Don’t just wait until it’s over and then scramble to make me believe that you wanted more than you really did.”

He nodded.

“I don’t know if I can take it if you hurt me like you did the first time. This is a one shot kind of deal. If you can’t show up, don’t make me think you’re going to. Let me down easy when you bow out.”

“I’m not going to bow out.” he stated, calmly but firmly.

“I’ll believe it when I see it.”

“I love you.”

“Goodnight, Sam.” you pressed the end call button and turned to walk towards your apartment, leaving him behind to listen to the short dial tone and then the echo of your footsteps, and then silence as you turned the corner.


End file.
